Chapter 8
When I first met River, it was because I was getting bullied, and he saved me.]
River was still young then–nineteen, like some kind of guardian angel dropping out of nowhere.[]
He stepped in front of me, grabbed a brick, and cracked it over my attacker’s head.[]
I was the one who pursued him after that. I confessed my feelings, brought him flowers in the dead of winter. He said yes.[]
He taught me things back then. Told me if anyone ever messed with me, I should grab a brick and fight back.[]
Autumn wind rustled through the campus trees as we walked.]
I turned to ask him, “So if someone bullies me, I just hit them with a brick?“[]
“Absolutely. Anyone hurts you, you hurt them back.”
“But what if you hurt me someday?”
“Then you beat me to death. You could kill me and I wouldn’t blame you, Willa. I love you.“[]
The River from my memory overlapped with the bloodied man in front of me. Despite his head wound, he was actually laughing quietly.
“Willa, so you were scared of me because you forgot! I knew it, I knew it. How could you ever be afraid of me when you loved me so much…”
“Willa, now that you’ve gotten your anger out, will you come home with me? If you don’t like them, I’ll send them all away. They’ll never bother you again. We can pretend it was all my fault–let’s remarry, okay?”
Mackenzie went rigid when she heard this, her voice shaking: “Willa.”
I laughed and looked down at River sprawled on the sand, then smashed another piece of glass into his head.]
“Fuck you, River. Why don’t you just die already?“]
River smiled through the blood. “Willa, look how much you hate me. That’s because you still love me.“]
“I love your ass, River. A good ex–husband should act like he’s dead–never show his face again.“]
“Willa, don’t leave. I like you like this, just like in college–beautiful and brave and fearless…”
I picked up another piece of glass and hit him again. “If you want to reminisce about your ex–wife, you should just fucking die and start over in your next life!“]
I stood up, brushed the sand off my legs, and walked away with Mackenzie.
Mackenzie looked worried. “Willa, do you think he’ll call the cops?”
“Who gives a shit? Worst case, I do some jail time. Two years max, then I’m out. I’m not trying to get a government job anyway–what do I have to lose?”
Mackenzie choked on that response and sighed. “Willa, how much of your memory came back?“]
Shitet R
“Up to age twenty–three. I remember college now. “0
Eighteen–year–old Willa had been scared of everything, but twenty–three–year–old Willa was fearless.
That was the year River’s business failed and debt collectors came after us. They harassed us constantly, and when things got really bad, they threatened our kids.
To protect my children inside the house, I armed myself with a taser in one hand and a kitchen knife in the other.
Bullies fear thugs, thugs fear psychos, and I was the psycho who had nothing left to lose.[]
I was a mother. Nobody was touching my kids unless they killed me first.
Those men eventually backed off, too scared to come near me.]]
Twenty–three was probably when I was at my most fearless. I was young enough not to fear death, so nothing else scared me either.
