We Are All A Little Broken
Ayla
Raven is sitting on the couch as I sit in a chair next to her, watching the fire. It is the first alone moment that we’ve had since I had my last episode as I call it. The ‘episode‘ is the nicest way I can describe feeling like I am dying and losing my mind all at the same time.
“How are things between you and Cyrus?” I asked, breaking the ice.
“The same. He is persistent as usual.” Raven is chewing on her nails, a nervous habit I have noticed.
“Have you decided if you are going to give your bond a chance?” I’m hopeful she is. Especially after everything that has transpired this week.
“I am giving it a chance.”
“Have you told him? I would think Thane would have said something about Cyrus shouting it from the top of the pack house for all to hear.” Raven laughs a little as do I. We need something to laugh at. Cyrus is good for providing that. He knows it as well.
“I haven’t. I had myself talked up to do it, but then he started telling me some story about a pierced third nipple he has encountered on a shifter Jat some point in his life and I was done listening at that point.”
“Oh…well that is….a strange thin to encounter I suppose.” Knowing Cyrus, he probably dangled something from it. Knowing Cyrus, he probably used the piercing to rip the nipple off the shifter.
“I don’t think it’s strange compared to some of the other things he has encountered.”
“I don’t want to know, do I? I secretly do want to know, but I better not.” I laugh as Raven shakes her head at me or more likely, her mate.
I use the moment to bring up the topic I want to talk about, but I am unsure of how Raven will respond. I guess it doesn’t matter technically because I am now her Luna, but I consider her a friend, and I really don’t like confrontation.
“Can I talk to you about something?” I take a deep breath and let it out, trying to keep the anxiety that wants to start away. There isn’t any reason to be anxious about a conversation with Raven, but I think it is more of what I have to give her that I don’t know how she will react to versus what I am talking to her about.
“You don’t need my permission.”
“When you brought me back here the night of your ceremony, you told me nothing. Leaving me in the dark like that hurt. I should have known Raven.” We both know what I feel like I should’ve been told. I just don’t want to say it.
“I know.” I didn’t expect her to agree with me. I’m a little shocked.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I hadn’t realized the shock I was feeling was so evident of my features.
“Well, I expected an argument. Something along the lines of ‘I was following orders, get over it‘ or something.”
“I was following orders, get over it.” Raven says very flatly, and I roll my eyes.
“I was following orders from my alpha and placed in charge of your safety. That is the easiest answer I can give you.”
i
“What is the other answer?” I sit up more in my seat now, leaning on the arm, studying Raven as she wrestles with something internally.
“I didn’t want to tell you that your friend died. I didn’t know how to tell you, and thought it was better that it didn’t come from me.” Raven sighs and is nervously twirling the tassel of a pillow around her fingers.
“Not knowing anything was terrible. I could go over the whole list of reasons why, but I just want you to know that I don’t want to be kept in the dark again. I want to be in the know, all the time.” Thane and I discussed this in length, and I don’t have the energy to go over it all again.
“I understand. That is why I told Thane I won’t keep anything from you again. I swore to protect you and part of that is making sure you have the information you need for you decision making.”
“Well, that is a very….appropriate answer. Okay,…okay then. We agree.” I didn’t think it would be this easy, but I appreciate that the conversation is behind us and I didn’t have to argue with her about my reasons.
1/2
We Are All A Little Broken
“We agree,” she repeats.
“I have something to give you. I don’t know exactly how, but…” I trail off as I stand and head to the mantel, picking up what I am dreading passing over to her. My heart is racing, and I am uncertain how she will handle it.
I walk over to Raven and hold the book out to her. She takes it from me, inspecting it.
“What’s this?” She looks confused as she studies the cover. “I thought you didn’t read these types of books?” Raven raises an eyebrow at me, confused but intrigued by the look of her.
“I don’t. June and Logan asked me to give that to you.
“Who are June and Logan?” She sounds like she could care less.
“They are….were..they were Monica’s parents. Apparently, her mother wants you to have the last book she was reading. She has notes scribbled all over in it and things highlighted.” I swallow hard as I wait anxiously, watching intently as she processes what I said.
“Did you tell them about me?” Raven asks quietly as she opens the book and starts reading little notes written.
“No.” Her head darts up and her eyes roam all over my face before she goes through the book again.
“Her mother told me she is in the ‘slutty book club‘ Monica created. Her words, not mine.” Raven snorts and I start laughing as well. Imagine reading those types of books with your mother. Well, to each their own, I guess. I’m glad her mother has those memories now.
Raven is quiet for a while as she reads things to herself and I say nothing, letting her work through this.
“She told them about me.” Her statement has a hint of a confused tone to it, almost as it was a question.
“Of course she did.”
Raven sits quietly, staring at the book before I notice a lone tear she quickly wipes away from her cheek. I don’t know if I am doing the right thing, but before I can think about it, I have already made my way to the couch next to her.
“I should have been nicer to her.” I can see the regret and guilt filling her eyes.
“You were as nice as you could have been given your circumstances.”
“I could have been nicer.” Her voice is breaking as another tear falls. I’m not sure if Raven can handle too many more pent–up emotions and I also understand that feeling all too well.
“We’re all a little broken Raven, we just need to keep each other from falling apart Now more than ever.”
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